Sorry this will a sort of different post.
It hit me the other day. I wave of self doubt.
I can’t describe how much I’ve been busting my butt in order to be successful at university! And currently being in the end of my third year, after changing programs and feeling more interested in what I’m learning, I still far from being successful.
I recently a midterm back. I studied so hard for this exam. I studied with two other people from the same class and we quizzed each other until we memorized and understood everything from out lectures.
After I wrote the exam I felt so freakin’ confident!
I believed that I knew the answer to each question and I wrote everything that I could think of…until my hand fell off!
And when I got the mark back, unlike a lot of my exams, I was confident I did well. But was surprised to see that I got a 52%. What the freakin’ heck!? And that was the wave of self doubt…self doubt and believing I’m not smart enough for this venture; the venture into university and beyond.
How else am I supposed to raise my GPA after going from a program that I didn’t enjoy, to one that I did? How else am I supposed to raise my GPA if I study hard and believe that I could do, and suppress my test anxiety? How much can I actually do…to actually raise my GPA and reach my dream after university?
My dream has always been (well ever since I left my other program) to go to physiotherapy school after a bachelor but how is that possible if I cannot raise my GPA to qualify?
Passion and the dream to succeed never seems to be enough in this university system.
So I had to change my dream. Try as much as I can to do the best I can but accept what may come. Graduate and accept the degree with what ever marks I get and then go from there. Then decide what is possible for me…
And I continue to question the university system and the stress they put on success. But there is nothing I can do about it; it will always be focused on marks instead of the passion and the interest of students.
Ahh the system… I just need to be calm, breathe and do the best I can! Then go from there, whatever happens there is always a window or door to go through.
I’m so interested on your thoughts, or am the only one?